Hi Reader,

As Scottish poet Robert Burns wrote, "the best-laid schemes o' mice an' men, gang aft agley." <-- That last bit, of course, means "go awry."

When the family and I hopped on a plane to relocate to the other side of the world for a month back in June, we planned to work part of that time. "It's not just a vacation," we said.

I planned to do up my July newsletter while abroad.

Well, as you now know, things went agley, and I couldn't send last month's dispatch. I'm sorry for that.

Burn's poem, "To A Mouse" (the source of the famous quote above), is an apology to a mouse whose home Burns had inadvertently plowed. The larger theme is that a mouse won't remember the trauma of losing its home and will simply move on. Mousie has it easier than Burns, who will suffer the guilt and all the other memories packed into a human life.

So, no surprise some of my inner critics are having a field day about blowing through my July deadline, along with a few other balls that got dropped. They're remembering the consequences of past mistakes. They don't want to disappoint people. They want people to trust that I'll follow through on commitments.

But a newsletter is a relatively minor thing, after all. I mean, I take it seriously, and no one's life is on the line. Why do they care so much about this or any of the other minor things they try to get me in trouble for?

My critics care because they want me to do good. More specifically, they want me to be good. So, if I mess up, then I might not be good. I might be bad. Bad = unworthy.

But I've been leaning into the idea of grace lately.

Buddhism doesn't have a direct concept of grace, certainly not something bestowed on us by a divine being. Yet, the message of the Buddha is that we're all inherently good. In fact, we're all Buddhas. And the only problem is that our true nature is obscured by the conditioning we develop while belly-crawling our way through difficult lives.

Our essential goodness, also called Buddhanature, is radiant and pure. It's unblemishable no matter what we do. By this definition, making mistakes, screwing up bigly, or even doing really bad things doesn't make us bad people.

Doing something is not the same as being something.

In IFS, our basic goodness is called "The Self," with a capital S. And just like our Buddhanature, The Self, though always available, gets hidden by our differentiated parts with their fears and concerns.

I'm intrigued by this idea of obscuration, the concealing of something. The obscured thing is still there even if we can't see it from where we're standing. This is about vantage point, and something about that feels hopeful to me. Inner strength and fortitude are available when we're ready to shift the vantage point. In my experience, it doesn't even take that big of a shift.

The most interesting thing about my foray with grace is that apologizing for my screw-ups has become infinitely easier. I dunno about you, but apologizing usually feels really icky, all laden with the shame of being a bad person

Decoupling a behavior from a belief has been freeing.

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Shifting topics... I've been dying to share this Ted Talk with you by Tim Urban since I saw it in my newsfeed a few days ago. I love how he describes the way some of his parts dance around getting things done. You can see that procrastination isn't just one so-called "lazy" part.

My only quibble is that it's worth befriending the monkey and finding out why it doesn't want to do the thing. It may have a good reason. And even if your inner monkey would rather just have fun, maybe it's got a point.

Worth exploring.
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The Latest from Skillful Means Podcast

This summer, Annie and I have been on a partial break. But we haven't been dormant. If you're not caught up on the guided practices we've been sharing, here's what you have to look forward to in your favorite podcast app:

​Mindfulness of the Four Elements of the Body - This one wraps up my series on the lesser-known practices from the Buddha's First Foundation of Mindfulness. Here, we explore how the elements — earth, water, fire, and air — connect us to nature.

​Mundane Ecstasy - Annie invites you to use your immediate surroundings as a springboard to awaken in each moment.

​Loving-kindness - From me, taproot your humanity to awaken goodwill towards others.

​Drawing a Line - Annie offers a contemplation on how to work with discernment when facing difficult circumstances.

Hit reply and let us know how these teachings are landing with you and if you have any requests.

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​Get Ready for ✨Into the Wilds✨

Heads up! My popular Internal Family Systems group coaching program returns in January. Half IFS Parts Work skill-building and half supportive coaching, ✨Into the Wilds✨ will show you how to hold compassionate space for yourself, show up with more attunement and inner alignment, and do big things with way less friction.

​Click here to get on the waitlist for priority registration next month.

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IFS Coaching Spots Open

Ready to jump into some inner work right now? I'm opening up some 1:1 spots this fall.
~ Looking for some perspective on a discreet decision or dilemma? Book a set of IFS Parts Mapping Sessions.
~ Ready for ongoing transformational coaching? Check out Wayfinding Sessions.

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Practice Yoga With Me

​Yin Yoga & Mindfulness​
​Online, Mondays 6-7pm EDT (NYC)​
Coming in September and throughout the fall, we'll be working with the Buddha's Three Marks of Existence as they express themselves in our yin yoga practice. We'll look closely at how to work with change, suffering, and interbeingness so we can experience glimpses of our essential nature.

Stay Tuned...​
In-person Gentle Yoga & IFS Inquiry classes will return to Arlington, VA this fall. I'll send out more details when the dates are set and registration opens.

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With Metta,